This Regret

  This Regret

  By Victoria Ashley

  Prologue

  Phoenix

  The blast of a .38-caliber revolver sends me crashing to my knees, landing in the road, with gravel digging deep into the flesh of my knees.

  My hands grip the gritty ground, as if my life depends on it, making my fingers bleed. Who knows, at this point, maybe it does.

  Even with my eyes closed, I can feel the world spinning around me, my body threatening to give up and lose what control I have left. Tears stream down my horror-stricken face and a silent scream is threatening to form in my throat. It hurts. It hurts like hell.

  That’s when I hear it. A bloodcurdling scream that makes my blood run cold. Except, it’s not my screaming that is roaring through my ears as I expected.

  It’s the screaming of a woman. A very angry, hysterical woman.

  The only thing I can decipher is, “Call 911. Somebody fucking call 911. There’s blood everywhere.”

  I can hear bodies shuffling nearby, some of them even tripping over me to get away, but I can only process one thought. He’s gone. Please don’t let him be gone.

  With force, I am yanked to my feet, a large hand smacking me across the face, causing blood to taste on my tongue.

  I try to focus, but my vision is too blurred to make any sense of who has control of my body and at this point, I’m not so sure it even matters.

  “This is your fault,” the deep voice growls as I spit blood onto his filthy boots. Narrowing his eyes, he wraps my hair securely around his hand and yanks my head back, hard, while his other hand tightens around my throat, squeezing. “You’re going to pay for this if it’s the last thing I do, you stupid bitch.”

  He lets go of my neck and shoves me down to the ground so my face is pressed into the gravel, his boot crushing into the back of my skull. Dirt and rocks dig into my left eye, making it even harder to see through the tears. I desperately look for the man that hasn’t only crushed then stolen my heart just to crush it again, but has also replaced a part of me that I thought was long ago lost.

  Realizing that my search is pointless, I just lay there defeated, feeling half-alive, but mostly dead. “Go ahead,” I whisper. “See if you can hurt me anymore than you already have. I dare you.” My body’s trembling, but I look him dead in the eye anyways. I’m not scared of dying. Not after losing the biggest part of me, my heart. “Losing him will be my last regret.” I shift so that I’m looking at the deep scars that cover his face. They make me sick. He makes me sick. “That and not killing you when I had the chance.”

  Chapter One

  Phoenix

  7 weeks earlier . . .

  Stretching, I roll over, to rub my hand over the empty sheet next to me. My hand stops and my body freezes, as I feel, not the silkiness of my new sheet, but the flesh of a rock hard chest. I run my hand along it, trailing it down the smooth, warm flesh of defined abs, until my hand rests on a penis. Not only is it a penis, but it’s a hard, naked one.

  Cursing to myself, I sit up leaning my head against the back of the headboard. I tug on my wild hair while shifting my gaze over to the naked man next to me. My eyes go wide with confusion and my stomach fills up with butterflies.

  Kades sprawled out on my brand new satin sheets, sweat dripping over the ridges of his defined muscles, staining the silver of my clean bed.

  I blink my eyes a few times, before my eyes fully come into focus enough to see my mind isn’t playing tricks on me. He really is here, nude and in my bed.

  I exhale, my heart racing with adrenaline, before elbowing him in the side in an attempt to wake him up.

  “Wake up,” I grumble.

  He lets out a grunt, but doesn’t even bother with opening his eyes. Instead, he just pushes his morning boner down and mumbles something inaudible to my ears.

  “Dammit, Kade.” I elbow him again, but harder this time being sure he gets the message. “Get up!”

  His eyes shoot open and he sits up with a confused look on his face. When his eyes focus on me, he waves his arm in front of him and mumbles something under his breath before lying back down and closing his eyes again.

  Confused and aggravated with his presence, I kick him off the bed. He lands on the ground with a big thump, causing him to wake up and cover his morning boner.

  “Fuck!” he screams.

  Looks like the message is loud and clear.

  I lean over the bed and toss a pillow at his head as he grips a handful of his blond curls with his free hand. His expression is cute, making me laugh as he reaches for the pillow and yawns. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  He presses the pillow to his crotch and stands up. His thin lips curl into a small smile before he runs a hand over his bare chest. “Oh shit.” He shakes his head in an attempt to wake up. “I almost forgot I came here last night.” He pauses to stretch and I watch him in curiosity, waiting for an explanation. My eyes can’t help but to wander down to my pillow that is still pressed firmly against his penis and for some reason I find myself wishing I can take the pillow back. Now that, is definitely something worth seeing.

  “I lost my keys last night. It was late and I was tired. All I could find were your keys. Plus, your place is closer.”

  I nervously chew on the inside of my lip as I give his body one last look of admiration. I always figured he was in good shape, but I never imagined . . . this.

  Holy . . . hell!

  I reach up to wipe the sleep from out of my eyes and turn my head away to face the wall. I’m afraid if I keep looking at him that my anger will somehow fade and I don’t want him thinking that it’s okay for him to go out and get drunk and crawl into my bed in the middle of the night. He’s lucky I’m a deep sleeper or else I would’ve thought someone was breaking in last night and he would’ve gotten more than just a kick to the ribs.

  “Maybe you should take my pillow off your balls and get dressed,” I say, trying to sound angrier than I seem to feel.

  I hear some shuffling behind me as Kade starts getting dressed. “If you insist. Most women don’t, to be honest.”

  I give him a couple of minutes before I continue our conversation.

  “Okay, now that explains why you’re here in my house.” I turn around slowly being sure that he’s really dressed, before taking my hand away from my eyes. Then, I slip on my silk robe and look up at him, while pointing down at the sweaty spot on my bed. The sad part is, it’s not even that warm in here. “What I want to know is, why the hell you were in my bed . . . naked. You’re lucky that I didn’t wake up and kick your ass. Who just crawls into bed with someone, Kade? Most people would consider that a little on the creepy side.”

  He finishes buttoning up the last button on his crisp white dress shirt, before leaning against the front of my dresser and running a hand through his tousled hair. He looks so cool and collective, as if me kicking him out of my bed naked is a normal thing. Maybe he’s used to this kind of treatment.

  “Apparently, I do and when the person is sexy.” He stops to roll up his sleeves before continuing. “It’s not creepy. Besides, Zoe was asleep on the couch. There was no way I was going to kick her off the couch and get kicked in the nuts again. That girl is like a fucking ninja.” He adjusts the crotch of his jeans and smiles. “So, I came up here to sleep and it got hot. I was drunk and forgot I was here.” He shrugs his shoulders. “No biggie.”

  I roll my eyes as a soft giggle comes from my closet.

  Dammit, Zoe!

  Mom said her and dad needed a night to themselves, so I offered to take my younger sister for the night. Apparently, it wasn’t the best decision and really bad timing.

  Kade and I both look at each other before he reaches for the door handle and yanks the closet door open.
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  Zoe comes tumbling out of the closet, landing on her face onto the floor next to Kade’s feet.

  She looks up, face red, before she scrambles to her feet and laughs. “How did I get in there? Oh yeah, I was drunk and forgot where I was. Always, the perfect excuse.” She laughs again as I walk over and push her toward the bedroom door.

  “What did I tell you about hiding in my closet, Zoe? You’re too old for that crap now.” I reach for the door handle and pull the door open before shoving her outside into the hallway. “Next time mom calls me in the middle of the night for a babysitter, you’re sleeping outside on the porch.”

  Kade stands against my dresser with his arms crossed over his chest as Zoe gives him the middle finger. Zoe has hated Kade ever since he first made fun of her for a crush that she had when she was twelve. Clearly, the hate hasn’t faded and her and Kade fight every time that he comes around. “Nice to see you too, brat. By the way, your hair looks lovely in the morning, Annie.”

  Zoe reaches up to flatten out her messy red curls. “Go suck . . .”

  I close the door behind her before she can finish the insult. It’s way too early for their arguing and I’m going to need at least two cappuccinos before dealing with their bickering. “Go downstairs and I’ll cook you breakfast when I get down there,” I yell loud enough to drown out her shouting. “Give me a minute to wake up before I have to deal with this crap.”

  “Fine,” she mumbles, clearly unhappy with me for shoving her out into the hallway. “It better be a good breakfast after having to witness that.” She lets out a grunt before I hear her heavy footsteps walking down the hallway toward the kitchen.

  I turn back around to face Kade and my body instantly gets heated just from the way he’s looking at me. My eyes trail over his slender body, stopping on the bulge in his jeans and it’s hard to fight the fact that it’s making my heartbeat quicken. We’ve been friends for over twelve years, but I have never thought of him in a sexual way before. Not until . . . now, that is.

  Looking me in the eye, Kade walks over to stand in front of me before cupping my face in his hands. His hands are big and warm on my face and the feel of his touch makes my body flush even more. “Why is your face red?” he questions with a smirk. “Did you like something that you saw?”

  I clear my throat and swallow hard, trying not to give away what I’m feeling. Who wouldn’t like what I just saw? That question is ridiculous. “Why would you ask that?”

  He runs his finger over my lips, giving me chills before resting his hand on my neck. “Your face is red.” His eyes focus on my thin tank top as he slowly runs his tongue over his lips, before bringing his lust filled eyes up to meet mine. “And your nipples are hard. I’m pretty sure it’s not cold in here, Phoenix.”

  I take a step back and pull my robe closed, turning my eyes away to meet the black carpet. He wasn’t supposed to see that. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even notice until he pointed it out.

  Shit! That’s not embarrassing at all.

  I shake my head and laugh in an attempt to change the subject. “So . . . what time are we supposed to be at work again? I think I will just drive myself to-“

  He presses his lips against mine, stopping me midsentence. My pulse races and my legs become weak, causing me to have to wrap my arm around his neck just to keep from falling over. Somehow, the feel of his lips against mine feels natural, almost as if we’ve both been holding back for a while. That’s pretty confusing.

  By the time his lips leave mine, my body is craving for more and I can’t help but to run my tongue over my lips, savoring the taste of his mouth. It’s a good thing I like Whiskey, because from the taste of it, I would say he did some drowning in it last night.

  He runs his tongue over his lips as well and looks me in the eye. “I’ve been holding that back for years now.” He squeezes my arms and bites his bottom lip and it’s crazy sexy the way he’s looking at me. “I have some things I have to do. I’ll see you at work tonight.”

  I stand there and watch as he walks away, grabs for my keys and tosses them to me. I catch them and clutch them to my chest. “Yeah and be prepared to work this time, Romeo.” I pause to swallow. “I’ll see you then.”

  After Kade is gone, I fall onto my bed face first not believing I just let him kiss me.

  What the hell was I thinking? What makes it worse, is I think I actually liked it.

  Feeling confused and anxious, I scramble to my feet and get dressed faster than I have ever gotten dressed in my entire twenty-three years. Then I take a few breaths to compose myself before meeting Zoe in the kitchen to cook her breakfast.

  Zoe looks up from sitting on the edge of the kitchen table, her legs dangling off the edge, and shoves a roll into her mouth. She spits it out and snickers as she notices my pissed off face. “Why was that jerk in your bed naked? I knew I should’ve woken you up last night when I saw him stumble in like a moron. You do know he’s a moron, right?”

  I try to hide the smile that is threatening to form on my lips. As hard as I try, my lips just won’t seem to cooperate. Apparently, a part of me appreciates the moron. “You heard him, Zoe.” I reach for a roll and slap some butter on it, while trying not to laugh. “He got locked out of his apartment. It was safer for him to just come here.”

  Zoe throws her half-eaten roll at me and jumps off the table landing on her feet in front of me. “You fell for that crap?” She laughs as if it’s the funniest thing she’s ever heard. “If he had his car keys to get here, then don’t you think his house keys are on the same ring? Duh!” She slaps my forehead and tilts her head, making fun of me.

  Zoe does have a valid point. Even though she has issues with reading and writing, she is quite observant for a fourteen-year-old and a lot smarter than people think.

  I shove my roll into my mouth while I chew things over. “It doesn’t really matter.” I place the rest of my roll down onto the granite countertop and walk over to the fridge. “It’s my business and not yours. You’re too young to worry about what Kade was doing in my bed. You need to worry about nail polish and boy bands.”

  Zoe watches me as I start pulling out the eggs, bacon and bagels. “Screw boy bands,” she huffs. “You told me before that Kade only sticks around because he used to be friends with Adric and-“

  I put my hand up to stop her. “Don’t even say it, Zoe.”

  “But, it’s true. Wouldn’t it be weird to date him? They were practically best friends from what you’ve told me.”

  I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I still don’t like talking about the past and I especially don’t want to think about the point Zoe is making. It’s not as if Kade and I are even seeing each other.

  “We’re not dating.” I pause to give her a forced smile. “There is nothing wrong with being close friends. Now go watch T.V or something and leave me alone.” I shoo her away with my hand. “Go!”

  She rolls her eyes and reaches under the counter for a skillet. I jump as she slams it down onto the stove and turns back around to face me. “Whatever. Isn’t he too old anyway? Adric was at least five years older than you were, so I’m guessing his friends are too. That’s weird. That makes him almost thirty. That’s old and creepy. His balls are probably-.”

  “Zoe!” I look away from pulling the bacon apart and stare at the back of her unruly, red curls. Sometimes she makes me just want to knock her upside the head. Hell, I even dream about it sometimes. It sucks having to be the mature one.

  “Kade is only two years older than I am. That was his brother that was . . .” I take a deep breath, pushing the painful memory from my mind. “Never mind. Let’s just make it through breakfast without choking each other and discussing Kade’s balls,” I say sternly.

  “Well, whatever. He’s still a jerk,” she says, getting in the last word. She always has to get in the last word. If she doesn’t, then I am pretty sure the world will end and crumble at all of our feet. What a shame that would be.

  “What time i
s mom coming again?”

  She shrugs her shoulders over dramatically and pulls open the shades letting the bright early sun in. “Whenever she feels like it. I don’t really care as long as I don’t have to listen to her and dad fight all day. It’s been getting worse and I’m losing my sanity.”

  I can’t tell . . .

  * * *

  I arrive at Spinner’s Bar and Grill just five minutes before my shift starts. My mother was late as usual with picking up Zoe, and I almost took out a car, trying to make it on time.

  Dale, the owner, is waiting for me as soon as I open the door and walk inside. His eyes look heavy and his dark hair is standing up in all directions, as if he’s been pulling on it all morning and I almost have to stop myself from laughing.

  I look around the big, empty bar and notice none of the signs are lit up and he didn’t even bother with plugging in the dartboards.

  “Looks like somebody’s had another rough day.”

  He tosses me a towel and looks at me with wide, crazy eyes. “What took you so long? I almost thought you weren’t going to show up.”

  I walk behind the bar as Dale holds the waist high door open for me. My gaze sets on a huge mess of empty beer bottles and glasses that scatter all across the bar top. “I had Zoe. I got here as soon as I could.” I reach for the trashcan and pull it along with me as I start throwing the empty bottles in the trash, each one clunking together causing Dale to jump and blink as he watches me. “What happened here? Did you get bored and throw a party with yourself? This place is a mess.”

  Dale throws his head back and grunts. “Ha! I wish. Trust me, I could use a few drinks. Saline didn’t show up for work, again. That damn . . . I won’t even finish that sentence.” He scratches his head and punches something into the register. “There was a lunch rush and I was the only one here. I tried calling Saline, Kade and Jen, but no one would answer their damn phones. What the hell is the point of cell phones nowadays, if no one knows how to answer the damn things? They’re a waste of money if you ask me.”

  I toss the last beer bottle into the trashcan and push it back into its original spot. “Why didn’t you call me?”